No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
be right there i have to get my cape
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
