Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
