if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
