Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
