i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
