im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
