All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
