im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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