Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
