wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
