I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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