I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
