You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
