i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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