Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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