so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
