I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
