oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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