i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
