i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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