friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
