this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
