32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
