All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
