so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
