Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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