I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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