you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
