also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
