fuck your aforementioned shoe
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
