There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
her vagine was all disorganized.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
