people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
