the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
