Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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