Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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