Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
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Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize