I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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