Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
