Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
