There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
