I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
