I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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