How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
