the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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