Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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