every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...