I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...