oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?