Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
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last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
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My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.