i need an iv and a liver transplant
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...