No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
