And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
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I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
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Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.