I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.