she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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