The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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