vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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