did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
