where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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