dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
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Blood and glitter go together right?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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