Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
