Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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