so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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