Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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