So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The air was thick with penises
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
