I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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