he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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