dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
