i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
