I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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