I've blown a few things in my day
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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