Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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